SPOILERS. OBVIOUSLY.

I’m back! This is my new (and unattractive for now) website, which I will hopefully be getting a better look for soon. I’m hosting it myself and hoping that will inspire me to actually write again. I did write a very quick recap of episodes 1-4 for my own sanity, but this is about episode five, titled “Eastwatch.” What does Eastwatch even mean? WELL, in case you missed it, it is the name of the location the Westeros Suicide Squad was at as they walked into the blinding snow to find themselves a wight. And it’s the location where the next big battle will take place. Previously in this season of Game of Thrones, Dany was getting pulverized and now she’s won a big battle by taking on the Lannisters with Drogon. Jon Snow keeps begging everyone to pay attention to the bigger picture. Arya, Bran, and Sansa are all at Winterfell but their family reunion is colder than anticipated. Long ago, Davos saved Gendry, the dreamy bastard son of Robert, who has been rowing for approximately 100 years ever since. I know this is vague, but so is the timeline if we’re being honest. Which I don’t mind, because they don’t have screen time to waste traveling from one place to another.

Jaime and Bronn somehow survived and this is completely ridiculous and ruins all my ideas about him being an ideal weapon against Cersei. Sigh. I was even like oh Tyrion and Jaime will get to reunite, and yes that happens in this episode anyway, but argh. Jon gets a note from Bran who is basically going ‘THE END IS NIGH’ at everyone, from his magic raven warging, and the Maesters laugh at him, so Sam’s like ehhhhh and leaves them finally. Not even listening to when Gilly drops down some serious knowledge about Jon’s parentage. The rest of us caught it at least (Rhaegar annulled his marriage to Elia and married someone else at the same time). Jon sees a dragon up close and they bond, and Dany’s either “this is hot” or “this is confusing” or “this is both” as she’s watching him pet Drogon. Dany came back after burning the Tarlys alive. I mean, the Tarlys apparently jumped ship from the Tyrells crazy fast, so I don’t know that I believe in their honor that much. But I get that Daddy Tarly was more on the xenophobic side of NO OUTSIDERS that made him decide to die. And his son did too. For some reason. I guess he just wanted to die? Tyrion and Varys talk about their concerns that Dany burning them alive is a bad sign, and I’m more along the line of what the hell was she supposed to do? This isn’t a nice place and a nice situation. She might have considered the Wall concept if Tarly wasn’t like lol she’s not my queen she can’t send me anywhere. So my response is Kanye shrug. Dany didn’t want to kill them, but she can’t play nice all the time. Playing nice is what gets people killed.

Also let’s not forget how many people the Starks executed all nobly. Is cutting off their heads better than dragon fire? Would everyone be cool if she hung them? Just asking.

Anyway Davos cooks up this plan that proving to Cersei (and honestly everyone at this point) that the wights exist could make them all focus on a common enemy before killing each other. Jorah comes back in time to see yet another pretty boy getting Dany’s attention more than him, and apparently off to a suicide mission from there. Because the plan is that Jon and a few others will go out to get a body and show it to everyone, probably still alive and kicking in that zombie way, to prove it. Tyrion gets smuggled into King’s Landing by Davos because apparently that’s still easy, and he and Jaime have a tense conversation. Davos sees Gendry. Yup. He’s back. It’s real. I miss his shaggy hair though. Gendry and Jon become my instant new bromance by immediately bonding over being Robert and Ned’s bastard kids. Except Jon’s really the legitimate kid of the man Robert murdered, but they don’t need to know these things. Shhhh. Let the bromance stand. Everyone’s on board the potential armistice, so Jon heads up with his crew. The crew is: Jon, Gendry, Tormund, The Hound (yes they’re captured there idek), Jorah, and those two Brotherhood members, the one that always resurrects the other one. Flaming sword time! The group goes looking for trouble. Look above this.

Also Arya is being played by Littlefinger against Sansa, who she thinks is trying to mess with Jon, and mostly she’s just in KILL KILL KILL mode so not thinking that clearly. I don’t think this is going to work for long though, the Starks will get it together. Cersei’s apparently pregnant, those of us who know the prophecy about her know this pregnancy is probably not going to go well. My guess is miscarriage. Jaime looked happy though. You idiot. She also knew that he was meeting with Tyrion and let it happen. Interesting! She’s showing remarkable restraint all things considered. What kind of a jerk was Rhaegar, let’s talk about that. He annulled his marriage to poor Elia Martell, made their children illegitimate, didn’t protect them when war came so they were raped and murdered, all because of Lyanna and Jon. I know in the books Rhaegar’s big into the Lord of Light prophecy and thought his son would be that, so in his mind it was worth risks, but thanks for getting pretty much everyone murdered, Rhaegar. You and Robb should talk.

This was a solid episode! A lot of very fast moving plots, but that’s what happens when your season is cut down by several episodes and you’re rushing to the end line. The acting in it was excellent, and there were some strong emotional beats I liked. Isn’t Davos the best, everyone? I love him so much. I will weep when he dies, because everyone I love dies eventually. I don’t think Cersei actually cares about the zombies. Even if she ends up believing them, she’s more likely to want her enemies to do the fighting for her, and then she can sweep in and laugh at their zombie corpses. So that’s going no where good, but I do look forward to at least one meeting between Cersei and Dany. ALSO WHO IS PSYCHED FOR NEXT WEEK? I am. That battle looks terrifying.

For people who are wondering what the Rhaegar stuff means … it means Jon technically has the best claim to the throne. If he is the legal heir to the legal heir, he bloodline wise would have a stronger bid than Dany. However, she is going through conquest, so she can conquer and win regardless, she doesn’t need to bow to anyone else regardless of their claim. But it could make things sticky for them down the road. Him being her nephew is just one problem.